Purpose

The mentality I hold is that I have problems but I always think that others are suffering more in a complete disregard to myself. Envy is a thing I don't have sure I may think I'm trash but that's how I decide to be I don't want to change myself. The lowest target on my list of importance is me others come first for surely they are suffering more. I must solve their problems I must be there for them no matter what it takes even if I have to jump in the way of a bullet for them I must help them no matter the cost. The only chance of change I have is for the desires of others for me to change I don't even understand why they would want to help me change I helped you recover from something so shitty isn't that the only purpose I have? Shouldn't you just take that moment of happiness however short I gave you and use it for your own purpose? Don't waste your own time on someone as disposable as me take that happiness and cash it in for your own improvement. I'm still human so of course I have my own desires but my friends always come first and I can't leave them to pursue this or else my purpose would be thrown out the window. Just knowing that I helped you soften whatever painful blows you've taken helps me control that monster of depression banging on its cage. Just be happy don't help me my only purpose is to help and there is nothing more I deserve.